Independence is good\u2026.right? Well, we just celebrated Independence Day as a nation and we are all thankful for that but what about as individuals? Independence is defined as not requiring or relying on something\/someone else\u2026..not looking to others for one\u2019s opinions for guidance in conduct-not relying on others. Being independent is viewed as a good characteristic to have. We want our kids to be independent. Having a \u201chealthy\u201d independence IS a good thing\u2026.. but can independence be a negative thing? The answer is YES! Let me tell you how I know.
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I\u2019ve always been independent. I think I was born independent\u2026\u2026I think I was taught to be independent\u2026.. and then, unfortunately, I had my rug ripped out from under me at the age of 10 (parents divorced) and I was FORCED to be independent. That\u2019s when I became excessively self-reliant or \u201cindependent to a fault\u201d. I became \u201cobnoxiously\u201d independent and it affected me and my relationships in a negative way. I\u2019m not proud of this but I\u2019m sharing because I know I\u2019m not the only one and I hope my transparency helps someone else.
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The sad part is I didn\u2019t realize I was obnoxiously independent and I saw my independence as just being a strong person. I looked at it as a positive thing. I even bragged about being independent. With this came\u2026\u2026 a lack of trust in others and avoiding vulnerability and intimacy with others\u2026.. because I didn\u2019t NEED anyone! And\u2026\u2026. this truth is probably the hardest to admit but I felt the need to be in CONTROL of everything so I would not be vulnerable to having my \u201crug\u201d pulled out from under me again. (We also refer to this\u2026.. as lovingly as possible\u2026.as a \u201ccontrol freak\u201d). What started out as a good trait, grew to an ugly characteristic that has cost me. I can look back now and see where it affected so many areas of my life. I use the word \u201caffected\u201d – past tense – because I now realize it, admit it, and work on it! I still struggle with it but I\u2019m aware of it and, in my opinion, that\u2019s half the battle!
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Unfortunately, the relationship most affected was my marriage. \u201cThe two shall become one\u201d. Well, that doesn\u2019t exactly go with not depending on someone. Duh! Why didn\u2019t I see it sooner? The answer is because I didn\u2019t want to get hurt. If I wasn\u2019t dependent on Jerry, he couldn\u2019t hurt me. Well, remember when we mentioned lack of trust and vulnerability that affects intimacy (defined closeness and connection)? I was sabotaging what I wanted and needed most! If Jerry and I had a disagreement (or sometimes just in every day conversation), I would remind him that I didn\u2019t NEED him (or anyone) and I often \u201cinvited\u201d him to leave. As you can see, I was a barrel of fun to be married to! Somehow, by the grace of God, Jerry stayed! He stayed and he stayed and he stayed! Then, somewhere along the way, I admitted to myself that my \u201cobnoxious independence\u201d was keeping me from having the relationship with him that I wanted and needed so badly. After recognizing it, admitting it, and working on it (present tense), I allowed myself to be dependent and vulnerable with Jerry. With the vulnerability came intimacy. With intimacy, our relationship got stronger and better. Now, I am, indeed, a barrel of fun to be married to! O.k., that\u2019s probably stretching the truth a little but it is my blog so if I want to pretend I\u2019m fun, so be it!
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Pt 2 of \u201cIndependent To A Fault\u201d will focus on how our \u201cobnoxious independence\u201d can affect our relationship with Christ.
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~Mandy <\/p>\n\n\n\n
p.s.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019ll get Jerry to proofread this before I post it. You wanna know why? Because we are a team! Because he\u2019s got my back! And\u2026\u2026I NEED him\u2764\ufe0f (Also, I would never share something this personal without his consent)<\/p>\n\n\n\n
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Independence is good\u2026.right? Well, we just celebrated Independence Day as a nation and we are all thankful for that but what about as individuals? Independence is defined as not requiring or relying on something\/someone else\u2026..not looking to others for one\u2019s Read more…<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-47","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/stilltalking.blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/47","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/stilltalking.blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/stilltalking.blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/stilltalking.blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/stilltalking.blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=47"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"http:\/\/stilltalking.blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/47\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":50,"href":"http:\/\/stilltalking.blog\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/47\/revisions\/50"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/stilltalking.blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=47"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/stilltalking.blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=47"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/stilltalking.blog\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=47"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}